(1-2) The heart of a godly wife.
Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.
a. Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands: The godly wife will be submissive to her husband. This submission isn’t a reward for the husband’s good behavior; as the proper order of the home, God commands it.
i. The teaching about submission was especially relevant to a first century married woman who had begun to follow Jesus. She would ask questions such as “Should I leave my husband?” or “Should I change my behavior towards him?” or “Should I assume a superior position to him because now I am in Jesus?”
ii. In the culture of the ancient world it was almost unthinkable for a wife to adopt a different religion than her husband. Christian women who came to Jesus before their husbands needed instruction.
b. Likewise: Proper submission in the home follows the same principles of submission as towards government or our employers. It is submission not only of the actions, but also of the heart – as demonstrated by the surrendering heart of Jesus (1 Peter 2:21-25).
i. The call for submission is not merely a call for love and considerate action. It is a call to take the place of submission to authority. The ancient Greek word translated submission was used outside the New Testament to describe the submission and obedience of soldiers in an army to those of superior rank. It literally means, “to order under.”
ii. Yet submission to authority can be totally consistent with equality in importance, dignity, and honor. Jesus was subject to both His parents and to God the Father but was not lower than either of them. “Thus the command to wives to be subject to their husbands should never be taken to imply inferior personhood or spirituality, or lesser importance.” (Grudem)
iii. Of course, submission in marriage follows the same principles as submission in other spheres. We submit to God appointed authority as our obligation before God, unless that authority directs us to sin. In that case it is right to obey God rather than men (Acts 4:19-20).
c. Be submissive to your own husbands: Peter carefully observed that wives are called to submit to their own husbands and not to all men in a general sense. Male headship is God’s commanded principle for the home and the church, not for society in general.
i. The principle of submission is presented in many different ways in the New Testament.
· Jesus submitted to His parents (Luke 2:51).
· Demons submitted to the disciples (Luke 10:17).
· Citizens should submit to government authority (Romans 13:1 and 5, Titus 3:1, 1 Peter 2:13).
· The universe will submit to Jesus (1 Corinthians 15:27 and Ephesians 1:22).
· Unseen spiritual beings submit to Jesus (1 Peter 3:22).
· Christians should submit to their church leaders (1 Corinthians 16:15-16 and 1 Peter 5:5).
· Wives should submit to husbands (Colossians 3:18, Titus 2:5, 1 Peter 3:5, and Ephesians 5:22-24).
· The church should submit to Jesus (Ephesians 5:24).
· Servants should submit to masters (Titus 2:9, 1 Peter 2:18).
· Christians should submit to God (Hebrews 12:9, James 4:7).
ii. None of these relations are reversed. For example, masters are never told to submit to servants, Jesus is never told to submit to the church, and so forth. So while there must be a servant-like love and attitude on the part of those in positions of authority, that does not eliminate the concept of God’s order of authority and the corresponding submission.
d. That even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives: The benefit of submission is shown in the way that it affects husbands for God. A wife’s submission is a powerful expression of her trust in God. This kind of faith and obedience can accomplish great things, even without a word.
i. Wives may want to shape their husbands, either guiding them to Jesus or guiding them in Jesus through their words. Peter reminds them that God’s plan is that wives impact their husbands not through persuasive lectures, but through godly submission, chaste conduct, and the fear of God.
ii. There is a sense in which a wife’s efforts to shape her husband through her own words and efforts may hinder the power of God’s working on the husband. It is much more effective to submit in the way God says to, thus demonstrating trust in Him, and to let God have his way with the husband.
iii. “The attractiveness of a wife’s submissive behaviour even to an unbelieving husband suggests that God has inscribed the rightness and beauty of role distinctions to include male leadership or headship in the family and female acceptance of and responsiveness to that leadership… The unbelieving husband sees this behaviour and deep within perceives the beauty of it. Within his heart there is a witness that this is right, this is how God intended men and women to relate as husband as wife. He concludes, therefore, that the gospel which his wife believes must be true as well.” (Grudem)
e. Do not obey the word: This refers to an unbelieving husband, but it is a stronger idea than merely “do not believe.” It has the idea of someone in active disobedience to God’s word. Even these husbands can be won through the godly conduct of loving wives.
2. (3-4) The true beauty of a godly woman.
Do not let your adornment be merely outward; arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel—rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.
a. Do not let your adornment be merely outward: Peter did not forbid all adornment. But for the godly woman outward adornment is always in moderation, and her emphasis is always on inward adornment.
i. Arranging the hair: According to William Barclay, in the world Peter lived women often arranged and dyed their hair. They also wore wigs, especially blonde wigs made with hair imported from Germany. Peter had this in mind speaking of the adornment that is merely outward. Peter did not forbid a woman fixing her hair, or wearing jewelry, any more than he forbade her wearing apparel (fine is not in the original).
b. Rather let it be the hidden person of the heart: Real beauty comes from the hidden person of the heart. It isn’t something you wear or primp before a mirror to have. It is something you are.
i. The real question is “What do you depend on to make yourself beautiful?” Peter’s point is not that any of these are forbidden, but that they should not be a woman’s adornment, the source of her true beauty.
c. The incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit: The inner beauty of a godly woman is incorruptible. This means that it does not decay or get worse with age. Instead, incorruptible beauty only gets better with age, and is therefore of much greater value than the beauty that comes from the hair, jewelry, or clothing.
d. A gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God: Peter described the character of true beauty – a gentle and quiet spirit. These character traits are not promoted for women by our culture; yet they are very precious in the sight of God.
3. (5-6) Examples of submission.
For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.
a. In former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves: Peter reminds women that he did not call them to a new standard; but to something that was practiced by holy women of former times.
b. Who trusted in God: When women submit to their husbands and when they do not put trust in their outward adornment, they are like the holy women of former times who trusted in God. They powerfully demonstrate their faith.
i. A woman can trust her own ability to influence and control her husband, or she can trust God and be submissive. A woman can trust her outward beauty and adornment, or she can trust God and cultivate a gentle and quiet spirit. It all comes back to trust in God; so she should be like the holy women who trusted in God.
c. As Sarah obeyed Abraham: Two things demonstrated Sarah’s submission to Abraham. First, she obeyed Abraham even when it was difficult and even when he was wrong (as in Genesis 12:10-20). Second, she honored Abraham by calling him lord. It is possible to obey someone without showing them the honor that is part of submission. True submission knows the place of both obedience and honor.
i. “An attitude of submission to a husband’s authority will be reflected in numerous words and actions each day which reflect deference to his leadership and an acknowledgment of his final responsibility.” (Grudem)
d. If you do good and are not afraid with any terror: True submission, full of faith in God has no room for fear or terror. It does good and leaves the result to God and not to man.
i. The words “do good” remind us that true submission is not a sulking surrender to authority. It is an active embrace of God’s will, demonstrating trust in Him.
4. (7) The heart of a godly husband.
Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.
a. Dwell with them: A godly husband lives with his wife. He doesn’t merely share a house, but he truly lives with her. He recognizes the great point of Paul’s teaching on marriage in Ephesians 5: that “husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself” (Ephesians 5:28). The godly husband understands the essential unity or oneness God has established between husband and wife.
b. With understanding: A godly husband undertakes the important job of understanding his wife. By knowing her well, he is able to demonstrate his love for her far more effectively.
i. When a husband has this understanding, God directs him to use it in that he is to dwell with his wife with understanding. He is supposed to take his understanding and apply it in daily life with his wife. This is where many men have trouble following through. They may have understanding about their wives, but they don’t use it as they dwell with them.
c. Giving honor: A godly husband knows how to make his wife feel honored. Though she submits to him, he takes care that she does not feel like she is an employee or under a tyrant.
i. In giving honor to the wife, the word in the ancient Greek language for the wife is a rare word, meaning more literally “the feminine one.” It suggests that the woman’s feminine nature should prompt the husband to honor her.
ii. This was a radical teaching in the world Peter lived in. In that ancient culture a husband had absolute rights over his wife and the wife had virtually no rights in the marriage. In the Roman world, if a man caught his wife in an act of adultery he could kill her on the spot. But if a wife caught her husband, she could do nothing against him. All the duties and obligations in marriage were put on the wife. Peter’s radical teaching is that the husband has God-ordained duties and obligations toward his wife.
d. As to the weaker vessel: In this context weaker speaks of the woman’s relative physical weakness in comparison to men. Men aren’t necessarily stronger spiritually than women, but they are generally stronger physically. As Peter brought in the idea of the woman’s feminine nature with the words the wife, he continues in appreciating the feminine nature and how a husband should respond to it.
i. Therefore, a godly husband recognizes whatever limitations his wife has physically and he does not expect more from her than is appropriate and kind.
e. Heirs together: A godly husband realizes that his spouse is not only his wife, but also his sister in Jesus. Part of their inheritance in the Lord is only realized in their oneness as husband and wife.
i. Heirs together: This “reminds husbands that even though they have been given great authority within marriage, their wives are still equal to them in spiritual privilege and eternal importance: they are ‘joint heirs.’” (Grudem)
f. That your prayers may not be hindered: The failure to live as a godly husband has spiritual consequences. It can and it will hinder prayer.
i. Some have thought that Peter has in mind here the prayers that husbands and wives pray together. But since he addresses husbands only, and because he says your prayers, he refers to the prayers of husbands in general.
ii. Peter assumed that the fear of hindered prayer would motivate Christian husbands to love and care for their wives as they should. Many Christian men have such a low regard for prayer that this warning may not adequately motivate them.
iii. “Indeed, to true believers prayer is so invaluable that the danger of hindering it is used by Peter as a motive why, in their marriage relationships, and household concerns, they should behave themselves with great wisdom. He bids the husband ‘dwell’ with his wife ‘according to knowledge,’ and render loving honor to her, lest their united prayers should be hindered. Anything which hinders prayer must be wrong. If any management of the family, or want of management, is injuring our power in prayer, there is an urgent demand for an alteration.” (Spurgeon)
B. Godliness in suffering.
1. (8-9) A plea for unity and love among God’s people.
Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous; not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing.
a. Be of one mind: Most of us are willing to have one mind, as long as that one mind is my mind! But the one mind is to be the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16). Our common mind is to be Jesus’ mind.
i. This command brings us back to the need to know God’s word. We can’t be of one mind, the mind of Jesus, if we don’t know what His mind is. The word of God shows us the mind of Jesus.
b. Be of one mind: This speaks to the essential unity of God’s people. We are one; but we are not all the same. While we should all be of one mind, we can’t expect everyone to be like us. God has built both unity and diversity among His people.
i. Every cell of your body is different, and each one has its role to play. But every cell in your body has the same DNA code written in it, the master plan for the whole body. Every cell in your body has the same “mind.”
ii. We could say that Christians should be like a good choir. Each one sings with his own voice and some sing different parts, but everyone sings to the same music and in harmony with one another.
c. Having compassion… tenderhearted… courteous: Peter described the kind of warm love that should be among the people of God. We should be compassionate, brotherly, tenderhearted, and even polite.
i. Remember that this was the measure Jesus gave to the world to identify His true disciples: “By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:35). Jesus did not command us to like our brothers and sisters in Christ. But we are commanded to love them; and once we start loving them we will start liking them.
d. Not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing: The greatest challenge to our love for others comes when we are wronged. At those times we are called to not return evil for evil, but to give a blessing instead.
i. No dispute, argument, or personality conflict among believers should linger. Even if one Christian gets out of line, the loving response of other Christians should keep the problem small and short-lived.
ii. The natural response to hostility is retaliation. This is what the terrible ethnic conflicts all over the world are all about – one group wrongs another, and dedicates the rest of its existence to repaying that wrong. Only the love of Jesus for our enemies can break the terrible cycle.
iii. Jesus reminded us that it is no great credit if we love those who love us in return; the real test of love is to demonstrate compassion to our enemies (Matthew 5:44-47).
e. That you may inherit a blessing: We love one another, but not only for the sake of Jesus, whose body we are members of. We love one another, but not only for the sake of our brother or sister for whom Jesus died. We also love one another for our own sake – by blessing those who have wronged us, we will inherit a blessing. If you can’t love for the sake of Jesus, or for the sake of your brother, then do it for your own sake!