(28-29) The application of the principles to the duty of a Christian husband.
So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.
a. So husbands: In Ephesians 5:22-24, Paul gave three reasons for a Christian wife’s submission to her husband. In addressing the Christian husbands, Paul also gave three reasons to love their wife:
i. First, they should love their wife this way because this is what love is. Paul indicates this in Ephesians 5:25: Husbands, love your wives.
ii. Second, they should love their wife this way because the relationship between husband and wife has a pattern: the relationship of Jesus and His church. Paul indicates this in Ephesians 5:25-29: Just as Christ also loved the church… So husbands ought to love their own wives… just as the Lord does the church.
iii. The third reason is found in Ephesians 5:28-32. The Christian husband must love his wife this way because you are one with her, just as Jesus is one with the church.
b. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies: The single word as is important. Paul did not say, “So ought men to love their wives in the same way as they love their bodies.” That would be an improvement in many cases, but that is not the meaning. The meaning is, “So ought men to love their wives because they are their own bodies.”
i. A man must love his wife as he would his body, as a part of himself. As Eve was a part of Adam, taken out of his side, so the wife is to the man because she is a part of him. The reality of this union must dominate the husband’s thinking and actions in marriage.
ii. “The Apostle puts it in this form in order that a husband may see that he cannot detach himself from his wife. You cannot detach yourself from your body, so you cannot detach yourself from your wife. She is a part of you, says the Apostle, so remember that always.” (Lloyd-Jones)
iii. “The husband must realize that his wife is a part of himself. He will not feel this instinctively; he has to be taught it; and the Bible in all its parts teaches it. In other words, the husband must understand that he and his wife are not two: they are one.” (Lloyd-Jones)
iv. This means that for success in the marriage relationship, we must think and understand. The world relies upon overly romantic ideas about love and upon feelings to make marriage work, and never really makes a person think and understand about marriage.
c. He who loves his wife loves himself: Simply said, when you love your wife, you benefit yourself. Perhaps it is better to put it in the negative: when you neglect your wife, you neglect yourself, and it will come back to hurt you.
i. We all know what it is like to neglect something – like a noise or a maintenance issue on an automobile – and it comes back to hurt us. Husbands, it is even more true regarding your wife, because she is part of you. Only a fool neglects his own broken arm or infected leg; yet there are many foolish husbands who hurt or neglect their wives and they do and will suffer from it.
ii. “On the practical level, therefore, the whole of the husband’s thinking must include his wife also. He must never think of himself in isolation or detachment. The moment he does so he has broken the most fundamental principle of marriage. In a sense, the moment a man thinks of himself in isolation he has broken the marriage. And he has no right to do that! There is a sense in which he cannot do it, because the wife is a part of himself. But if it happens he is certain to inflict grievous damage on his wife; and it is damage in which he himself will be involved because she is a part of him.” (Lloyd-Jones)
d. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it: Any man in his right mind is going to take care of his own flesh, even if it is just in the sense of feeding and clothing and caring for his own body. He knows that if he doesn’t, he is going to suffer for it. In the same way, once we know the Biblical fact of this unity, if we are in our right minds we will nourish and cherish our wives because she is part of us.
e. Just as the Lord does the church: The principle of oneness also is dominant in the relationship between Jesus and His people.
· There is oneness of life: We share the same vital resurrection life that resides in Jesus Himself.
· There is oneness of service: We are privileged to be co-workers with our Lord.
· There is oneness of feeling: Jesus feels a unique sympathy with us, and we feel a unique sympathy with Him.
· There is oneness of mutual necessity: We cannot exist without Him and He cannot exist without us, in the sense that a redeemer is not a redeemer without any redeemed; a savior is not a savior without any saved
· There is oneness of nature: The same genetic code links us with our Savior, and we are partakers of the divine nature
· There is oneness of possession: We share in the riches of His glory both now and in the age to come
· There is oneness of present condition: When our Savior is lifted high, so are His people with Him.
· There is oneness of future destiny: We will be glorified with Him.
6. (30-32) The mystical union between Jesus and the church, and its relation to marriage.
For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
a. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones: Paul here brings the analogy back in a circle. First, the relationship between Jesus and the church spoke to us about the husband-wife relationship. Now the marriage relationship speaks to us about the relationship between Jesus and His people.
b. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh: Paul quoted this essential passage from Genesis 2:24. Relevant to marriage, it shows that just as the first man and the first woman were one – she was taken from him, and then brought back to him – so it could be said of every married man today that he is joined to his wife. God did the joining. Husbands can resent it, they can resist it, they can ignore it, but it doesn’t change the fact.
i. It shows a fundamental principle for promoting oneness in marriage: there must be a leaving (of former associations) and a cleaving (joining together as one).
c. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church: It would be easy to think that the Genesis 2:24 passage (also quoted by Jesus in Matthew 19:5) only speaks about marriage. Paul wants us to know that it also speaks about the relationship between Christ and the church.
i. This is true in regard to the pattern of the first man and the first woman. “Woman was made at the beginning as the result of an operation which God performed upon man. How does the church come into being? As the result of an operation which God performed on the Second Man, His only begotten, beloved Son on Calvary’s hill. A deep sleep fell upon Adam. A deep sleep fell upon the Son of God, He gave up the ghost, He expired, and there in that operation the church was taken out. As the woman was taken out of Adam, so the church is taken out of Christ. The woman was taken out of the side of Adam; and it is from the Lord’s bleeding, wounded side that the church comes.” (Lloyd-Jones)
ii. It is also true in regard to the pattern of marriage in general.
· It shows us that Jesus wants more than just an external, surface relationship.
· It shows us that Jesus wants us to be one with Him.
· It shows us that there is a sense in which Jesus is incomplete without us. Adam was incomplete without Eve; we can say that Eve makes up the “fullness” of Adam and makes up that which was lacking in him. And that is exactly what the church does for Jesus; Ephesians 1:23 says of the church, which is His body, the fullness of Him who fills all in all.
iii. It shows the common connection of unity and oneness in the two relationships. “Unity, mark you for that is the essence of the marriage-bond. We are one with Christ, who made himself one with his people.” (Spurgeon)
7. (33) A summary comment to husbands and wives.
Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
a. Nevertheless: Paul really taught on two things at once. He teaches about marriage, but he also teaches about God’s pattern for marriage – the relationship between Jesus and His people. So in Ephesians 5:31 and 32 he has focused on the relationship between Jesus and His people and is getting really excited about it. Then Paul seemed to remember that his original topic was marriage, so that is why he used the word nevertheless in Ephesians 5:33.
i. This was Paul’s way of saying, “I know I got off the topic a little bit. So let’s come back to the matter of marriage, and I’ll sum it up for you. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”
b. Let each one of you: This means that everyone is included. We can say this about all the teaching on marriage. It is easy to say, “Well, I’m just not that sort of person, so I’ll never do very well.” Husbands do it, saying, “I’m just not very loving.” Wives do it, saying, “I’m just not the submissive sort.” But no matter what our natural disposition is, we have a target to shoot for, and let each one of you in particular means we all should set our eyes on the target the Bible shows us.
c. So love his own wife as himself: Paul again stressed the unity that a husband must recognize and let shape his thinking and his actions.
i. “Unity is the central principle in marriage; and it is because so many people in this modern world have never had any conception of what is involved in marriage, from the standpoint of unity, that they are riding so loosely to it and breaking their vows and pledges, so much so that divorce has become one of the major problems in our age. They have never caught sight of this unity; they are still thinking in terms of their individuality, and so you have two people asserting their rights, and therefore you get clashes and discord and separation. The answer to all that, says Paul, is to understand this great principle of unity.” (Lloyd-Jones)
ii. “He is given the position of dignity and of leadership and of headship; and if he understands what it means he will never abuse it, he will never misuse it, by being harsh or dictatorial or unkind or unfair. To be guilty of such behaviour is a denial of the marriage principle, and means that there is an absence of the Spirit.” (Lloyd-Jones)
d. Let the wife see: Paul called the wife to pay special attention here. This may be a point where many wives might excuse themselves for one reason or another, but Paul emphasized, “Let the wife see.”
e. Let the wife see that she respects her husband: This word respects is the same word often used of the reverential fear and awe the disciples had toward Jesus. It is a strong statement, but it indicates that the wife should respect the husband so highly that it points in this direction.
i. “The Apostle used a very striking word here. It is rightly translated in the Authorized Version as ‘reverence’; but the word really means ‘fear’. ‘And the wife see that she fears her husband’. But we must remember that there are different types of fear… he speaks of ‘reverential’ fear. What it really means is ‘deference’, ‘with reverential obedience’.” (Lloyd-Jones)
ii. “The wife is to treat her husband with deference; in other words, she is to recognize this biblical and Christian view of marriage, she is to regard the husband as her head, the head of this new unit. They are both one, but there is a head to the unit, as there is a head to our body, as Christ is the Head of the church.” (Lloyd-Jones)
f. Let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband: If Paul’s message in this great passage could be boiled down to two principles which must govern our thinking and our actions as married people, those two are:
· Husbands: Understand that you and your wife are one, are a unity.
· Wives: Understand that your unity has a head – your husband.
i. Wives are quick to embrace and understand the husband’s principle, and they want that to be the governing principle of the marriage.
ii. Husbands are quick to embrace and understand the wife’s principle, and they want that to be the governing principle of the marriage.
iii. But we must let our principle govern us. When you have a husband thinking, “I’m one with my wife, and I must think and act that way,” and a wife thinking, “My husband is the head of our oneness, and I need to respect and defer to him as the head,” then you will have a healthy, Biblical marriage.
iv. “The supreme thing always is to consider our Lord Jesus Christ. If a husband and wife are together considering Him, you need have no worry about their relationship to each other.” (Lloyd-Jones)